Miscarriage

Febrary 3rd - Found out at a routine prenatal appointment that there was no fetal heartbeat.  I was lying there on the table, watching my doctor's face go through all kinds of emotions.  He finally wiped off my belly and told me to sit up and that he was calling to get me an ultrasound.  He said it's very strange to not hear the heartbeat with his equipment and he feared that something had gone wrong.  I bawled.  I was by myself as Steve was home with Mady and we obviously didn't think that the appointment would yield such bad news.  I was to have an ultrasound the next day at 11:30am.  I cried all the way home.  I called Steve and then I called my parents.  Steve called his parents.  Steve and I both had a really rough night and were very emotional.  Eventually we were able to go to sleep.

February 4th - We got Mady up and dressed and packed her a bag to go to Grandma's house and have a sleepover.  Then we headed out to the ultrasound place.  They took me right away.  When I was finished the ultrasound, I asked the tech what to do next. And she said, "Well, we didn't find what we were looking for, so you have to go to your family doctor's office." She let it slip.

Got to the doctor's office around 12:30pm and we were ushered right into the biggest room to chat with the doctor. His nurse came in, Jackie, and she pretty much let it slip during our conversation, just because she was so upset for us. She told us that it's been a very long time since she's seen Dr. Robinson cry, but when he came out of the room after telling me that there was no heartbeat, his eyes were full of tears.

After Jackie left, my amazingly wonderful, compassionate doctor came in and told us the news in a very straightforward way, the way a man does when he's trying to not be emotional. I had another little cry because everyone was being so kind and had very sincere looks of sadness on their faces. He told me that he had made me an appointment with an OBGYN, Dr. Wu, at 2:30pm. So, Steve and I went to Future Shop to get me a new cover for my iPhone 3GS (Mady ripped my old one) and went to Staples to get me new pens and pencils for school... I know it sounds weird to go shopping after hearing devastating news about miscarriage, but it's sort of what we do after any major life-changing event or news. For instance, when I told Steve I was pregnant with Mady, he took me to the Ford dealership to look at SUVs. Anyway, we ate McDonald's at around 2pm and then headed down to Dr. Wu's office. He was on time and we were sent straight into a room. Dr. Wu came in - shorter, older Chinese man with the kindest eyes and the warmest smile. He went over the past two days with us and confirmed again that the miscarriage had happened around 13 weeks and that there was no way to tell why it happened as it was too early. He did an exam to check my uterus and cervix and found that my uterus had also stopped growing around the thirteen week mark. And then he said that the pregnancy had stopped at a point where a D&C would be appropriate, as opposed to putting me into labour to pass the miscarriage naturally. That would have been a nightmare and I'm so sorry to anyone who has had to do that, and I happily opted for the D&C. Then, shockingly, he asked if I'd be willing to go to the hospital at 5pm... I thought that getting it all done and taken care of right away was the best move, considering that I had dead tissue inside my uterus that could become necrotic if left too long. So, we left his office and had a couple of hours to kill before my big hospital trip. I was not to eat or drink anything; thank goodness I had eaten the McDonald's...

Sidenote: I think there's a big difference between being "at" the hospital and being "in" the hospital... I was nervous because this would mean being "in" the hospital...

We spent about an hour and a half at Steve's parents' house, playing with Mady and getting apprehensive. And then, at 4:30pm, I said it was time to go. And off we went. Mady was happy to be having a sleepover with Grandma. When we got there, we got admitted and were sent up to the 3rd floor (I was at Joseph Brant in Burlington) to the Day Surgery wing. There, I met two other girls who were scheduled for D&C's as well. One of them was in really rough shape - she was bleeding profusely and had passed out twice, and they had to give her Oxytocin to make the uterus contract and hopefully stop the bleeding. Poor girl was in really rough shape. And the other girl was exhausted, starved, and having pain - she had cancer and had no cervix and had been bleeding since having her daughter 20 months ago. We found out later that night that she'd need a hysterectomy because they found cancer during her D&C - she took the news like a trooper. And there I was texting, comfortable, and fed. I have to say that my panic over the procedure lessened when I met these two ladies.

We eventually were all moved to the holding room down the hall as our surgeries were put off because of an emergency c-section, an emergency appendectomy, and a serious wrist fracture - we were told that it would be 2-3 hours before going in. And thank goodness for the wait time because a person shouldn't eat for 8 hours before a surgery and had they been on time, I would have had a full belly and puked everywhere - as it turned out, it would be 9 hours before surgery would start for me.
The holding room was a ward and I was with my two new friends. We chatted about all kinds of weird topics and listened to music on our iPhones. It was kind of like a little party/sleepover and it took my mind off the scariness and sadness of the situation. The girl who was bleeding eventually got taken first - she was gone about an hour and a half. The procedure only takes about 15 minutes but the recovery room time varies. When she came back to us, she looked like she felt a million times better, but she was sick as a dog with nausea, poor thing. Next, my other starving friend went, and about 15 minutes later they came for me. It was 11:30pm. I was scared shitless, to be honest. They wheeled me down to a little alcove so I could wait my turn. Steve came with me and sat there and was a great comfort to me. Then they wheeled me to the O.R.
When I got there, I was so frightened I started to cry. The nurses and doctors were so compassionate and understanding. I was freezing so they wrapped me in a warm blanket and they rubbed the hair off my forehead, the way moms do to their babies when they're sick. I was comforted very much by that. Then they gave me the medicine to put me to sleep and the last thing I said was, "This is so fricken weird" and I was out like a light.

Woke up very happily in recovery. It was midnight. I felt like my eyes had been glued shut but I managed to open them. I had very nice conversations with my nurse. She told me I had come through the procedure very well and that Dr. Wu would be by to talk to me soon. I drifted in and out of sleep and then looked over and saw that my "ward" friend was there recovering too. We chatted for a bit before we fell back to sleep. Eventually, she was wheeled back to our room. At around 12:;30am, I got wheeled back. Steve was so happy to see me and he looked so tired, with eyes that were red-rimmed. He might have had a bit of a cry, but he didn't admit to it, so we'll just say his eyes were sleepy. They gave me a dose of morphine which was super-sweet and they told me that they had given me two different anti-nausea drugs so I shouldn't feel pukey. The three of us girls chatted some more and all couldn't believe how much better we felt; I know I hadn't been in any pain, but the idea that the dead tissue was out of me made me feel 100% better emotionally. There was a bit of a sore tummy and a bit of bleeding, but nothing alarming. My nauseated friend got to leave first, and then my other roommate got to go. And then it was my turn. The porter came up with the wheelchair (thank God, because I was still very wobbly from the morphine) and took me to the door. Steve got the car and pulled it up to the door, and off we went towards downtown Waterdown... we had to find an open restaurant, but it was 1:30am by this point and all that was open was Tim Horton's. We got sandwiches and went home. Then we watched "Seinfeld" and ate our "dinner". Then I checked messages and then got ready for bed. Fell asleep around 3am.

February 5th - This morning, I have a sore tummy and I'm bleeding a bit, but I feel okay. I'm in bed resting and Steve is being awesome and is taking good care of me. Mady is still at Grandma's house being well looked after. Emotionally, I'm feeling good. We will hold off on trying again, but it's definitely in the plans for us sometime soon. Perhaps in the summer. I mean, I just bought a minivan... got to have kids to cart around! And I really want those family stick-figure decals you can get for your car windows. So all in all, I'm good, Steve's good, and all is right with the world.