I used to really enjoy my birthday. It was an event that usually lasted for a week and included many parties and friends and good times. As the years wore on the week dwindled into a few days and the parties turned into being taken out for dinner and the friends who would come out got fewer and fewer and the good times were not as good as they used to be. The last couple of years have seen my birthday come and go with little to no fanfare - my 30th birthday was ruined by a drunk so-called friend who ran her mouth, my 31st birthday was overshadowed by my daughter's impending birth (she came 5 days later) and my 32nd birthday will come and go as if it's just another day. My husband has a late appointment and won't even get home until around 7pm. And, I'm sick with the 'flu to boot. I might get a gift, I might not. Whatever. I'm so over it. One of my students gave me a Starbucks gift card for my birthday, and that made me feel nice. She gave it to me today since I told them that I might stay home because I'm sick. I have to try to health it up so I can throw Mady a birthday party on Saturday and take her to Springridge Farm on Sunday for her actual birthday.
As for Mady's party... well... I have to say that I've been crying almost every day for the past week over her birthday party. I had invited lots of people, most of them with babies that Mady could play with, and all but two sets of friends with kids have said they can't come. So Mady's first birthday party will be her and two other babies and a few adults. Wow. I had wanted her first birthday to be a really special day with lots of kids running around the backyard and lots of cake and ice cream. It was not to be. Apparently people are too busy with their own lives to spend 2 hours at my baby's first birthday party. I guess I'm bitter about that. I mean, she's the most important thing in the world to me and I had hoped that my friends would be here to show me that they find her special too. I guess it bothers me that nobody made a fuss over Mady when she was born, and nobody is making a fuss again now that she's turning one. It hurt me in my heart to fill in Mady's baby book with her visitors in the hospital when she was born - two grandparents, a great uncle, her godfather Jason, and two of my work colleagues. That's the sum total of all the people who cared that she was born. Now here are the people who can make it to her party - her godfather Jason (who's single and has no children), two couples with babies (thank God) and her godmother and god-sister (who are here every second weekend). That's quite the turnout. My other close friends, the ones who tell me that they love us so much, can't change their plans to come say hi. I guess I'm too nice because I would change my plans to make it to my friends' child's birthday party. Those friends who can't come who don't have kids don't understand that it's not just about coming to a party, but that it's about making a fuss over my child. I don't think I can articulate how hurt I feel inside. Nonetheless, I will get rid of my sickness and be in top form to give Mady a great birthday with those of us who truly love her to bits. I will make her a cake shaped like a butterfly and I will wrap her gifts with pretty paper and bows. And then Steve and I will take her to Springridge Farm and we'll make great memories and take some great photos. And in her baby book, I will record the names of those people who did make it out to her party and I will also record the names of those friends who couldn't make it because of living too far away, like in PEI, NB, and AB - because I know they'd certainly be here if they could. I really miss my family in times like these - friends are just no substitute.
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