Should I?

So, practically every day I'm thinking about becoming pregnant again. Perhaps in February so I could have a baby in November... But then I'm thinking that I am very happy with one baby and perhaps I don't want to go through being pregnant again. Not that being pregnant was bad - the worse part of it all was the heartburn. I am worried that I will puke every day and feel generally like hell since the pregnancy gods are fair and will get me back for not puking last time around. I'm nervous to get another c-section since recovery was difficult last time. I am so conflicted...

Steve doesn't want to have another pregnancy just yet and I understand his point of view. We just bought a new house and I just got off maternity leave and he's loving the money coming in. I am too. He's not ready yet and, frankly, I don't know if I'm ready for another baby myself. I also don't know if I'm ready to give up my single-minded focus on Mady. But I don't want to wait too long to get pregnant again because of my age and also because I'm worried that I'll be so happy with an older baby that I won't want to go back to raising an infant. Also, I'm not down to my pre-Mady weight yet (not really trying, taking my time) and I don't know if I will be down that much by February. And I don't want to be even heavier than I was the first time around as I felt very uncomforable being so large and cumbersome. However, it would be so nice to get the "baby-making phase" out of the way sooner rather than later. I don't want to wait too long between babies - it would be nice to have my children close in age. It's so hard to think about when to get pregnant because I have to time it right so I can have a baby at the right time of the year for teachers. Basically, I have to get pregant in January, February, or early March or wait until July or August - I will lose so much money if I have a baby at the wrong time of the year. I'm not sure I want to bypass this winter and wait for the late summer because what if it doesn't work? Then I'd have to wait until winter again... and then I'm a year older... The benefits would be that Mady would be a bit older and less needy and I would have my income coming in for that much longer. Decisions, decisions...

So anyway, this is where I'm at right now. I'm sure something will happen to make me come to a decision either way.