When IS The Right Time?

I'm so happy that a lot of moms in my mommy group are pregnant for the 2nd or 3rd time. It gives me a thrill when I read about the births of new babies. What I find interesting is that some women seem to not wait very long before becoming pregnant again. So this begs the question: when is the right time to have another baby?

You see, I've been playing around with this question in my head for a few months now. When Madelyn turned a year old in September, I thought to myself that I would like to get pregnant again in January so I'd have another baby in autumn. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like the best thing to do; Mady would turn two years old, the new baby would come, and we'd live happily ever after. But then I decided to take a bit of a leave from teaching, going down to only teaching in the mornings. This decision meant that I'd be on a slightly reduced salary. What followed this decision was a frank discussion with Steve about when I should get pregnant again. Needless to say, January came and went and I am not pregnant. We decided to postpone having another baby.

Honestly, it kind of breaks my heart and worries me at the same time. One one hand, I don't like to have to wait for something I want. And I so want Mady to have a little baby to fuss over. I want to be home on another mat leave again too, because I miss the social aspect of "Social Mamas" and miss the friendships that I could be cultivating even more if I were not working. And on the other hand, I'm worried for many reasons; I'm afraid that I'll get so used to having an older child that I will be hesitant to have an infant again. I could be completely happy with having just one child and who's to say that I'll even be able to get pregnant again? I mean, I'm not getting any younger - if I get pregnant in January 2011, I'll have my second baby when I'm 34! I also worry that the moms will forget about me. I'm sure there are some new recruits who think to themselves, "Who's this Alysha that's always posting on the forums and writing blogs? She doesn't come to any playdates.". How can I truly be friends with any of them if they haven't really seen me around? Everyone is moving on without me, and I sometimes feel adrift. I also worry that by the time I get pregnant again, I'll have nobody to relate to and that they'll all be done having their babies. Argh!

What makes me feel at peace with the decision to postpone another pregnancy is the fact that my father will retire in June, 2011 and, if I time the next pregnancy right, he and my mother will be able to be here with me when I deliver their next grandchild. I found it absolutely awful to give birth to Mady without my parents with me. I think I was seriously depressed for the first three months of Mady's life; I felt better at Christmas since my parents and brother made the trip out to see us and meet the baby. Another thing that brings me peace is that Mady will be that much older if we wait until she's three years old to give her a sibling. She could be a fine help to her mama. Also, waiting would give us that much more time to save our money and really plan for the expense of baby #2.

So, the right time for us is contingent on many factors: money; time; age; family. I'm just not sure which one is going to win out in the end.