So I'm just going to say it: I've let myself go. I am 5'5" and 182 lbs. My BMI is between overweight and obese. I was 168 lbs (still overweight) when I got pregnant and I was determined to lose the weight through being active and eating healthy. I didn't count on anemia sapping my energy and having a c-section to recover from. Anyway, I have had it with this extra weight that I've been carrying around with me for years. When I met Steve, I was 125 lbs and had an ego the size of a small stadium. I looked good and I knew it. But I eat when I'm happy and in celebration and we always found a reason to celebrate. So ten pounds here and ten pounds there added up and then... here I am, feeling huge, unattractive, and frumpy. This is not me.
I just went to Value Village and donated three bins of beautiful clothes that are too small for me. Part of me is so happy to get rid of them because they were taking up space in the closet and it's not healthy to hold on to too-small clothes in the hopes of fitting into them again someday. But part of me is also sad that I spent all that money on these clothes and only wore them for one season, maybe two, before letting myself gain more weight and not being able to fit them again.
So Weight Watchers is part of my solution. I have to be accountable to someone, not just myself, for what I'm eating and what I weigh. I'm doing the online version of WW because it works best for me. I tried the meetings but I don't need to hear about how hungry people are because that's not my issue. My issue is eating out of habit, mindless eating, and eating out of boredom. And poor food choices. And too-big portions. The online WW is awesome because it does all the calculating for me. It's really easy to find the foods I've eaten in the database and I just click them and my points are recalculated for me. I go on the site to update my log at each meal and for every snack - it keeps me honest. I have lost 3 lbs as of Friday and I weigh myself again this Friday. I've done well so far this week, so I should see another decrease. And there are tons of tasty recipes in the database - I made a few chicken dishes last week and they were delicious!
Another key ingredient to my solution is getting a Wii and a Wii Fit and the new Wii Active (coming out soon) to help burn calories and get me in shape. I loathe exercising at the gym for a few reasons - I'm self-conscious about my body and I don't like to sweat in public. I don't like exercising outside because I don't like bugs. My only alternative is to work out indoors in private. Ergo, I need my own home gym. A Wii Fit is fun and it burns calories and you can do it in the privacy of your own home - no fancy gym equipment or memberships. No fancy workout gear. I can just turn it on and play. The other fun thing is that you can challenge other family members to do better than you on the workouts. So I can do them during the day and then make Steve do them at night. And if he beats me, then I can play again and burn more calories. It seems to me that I would really enjoy the Wii Fit and eventually the Wii Active (which is more workout-based than game-based) if I'm a good girl and use the Wii regularly and see results.
We're going to Vegas in August and I'm afraid that I'll sweat like a pig down there because I'll have to wear clothes to hide my rolls. I imagine myself in cute little capris with little tank tops and cute sundresses... If I don't get in shape, I'll be wearing my jeans and black t-shirts the whole time I'm there and I'll be miserable. So that's my goal - lose enough weight and get in shape enough to wear a cute outfit in Vegas. My motivating factor should be health, but it's not. It's an aesthetic thing. Wish me luck!
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